he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
