how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
