you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
