I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
