I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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