Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
