There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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