mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We need to get me chipped asap
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