No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
