her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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