the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
