Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
