so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
