well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
