Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
