@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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