I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
