U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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