Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
