Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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