Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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