Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
