I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
