just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
