Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
