we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Houston, we have a squirter
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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