A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
