Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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