If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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