I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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