Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
