somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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