We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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