Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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