I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
