Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
