Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
