No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
