They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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