there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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