he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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