I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
