Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
