So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
