I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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