The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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