There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
