before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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