why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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