Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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