you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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