I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
