hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
