do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
