It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
