She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you inspire me to be a worse person
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
